Being caught in a rip tide is a terrifying thing. No matter how violently you oppose it, you have no power over it. You've lost complete control of where you're going, knowing simply that your being thrust farther and farther from the shore.
If my dream is the shore I have lost sight of it.
I feel as though I have found myself in a sea that churns me about as it wills, leaving me near hopeless and tired.
I have never lost ahold of my dream until now... I never thought I could. 20 years of hoping vanished in 2 months.
Don't get me wrong. I can count my blessings all day long and still not have enough time to fit them all in. Amazing family, friends, job. I lack nothing... almost.
It's funny how one little spice can completely change the flavor of a dish. It could have the most amazing presentation, the finest ingredients, prepared by a true chef, but... if that one spice is left out, it hits your palate as bland and lifeless. It goes from extraordinary to utterly disappointing.
Maybe this is just a deep valley and I've lost sight of the sun?
Bleak as this may (or may not) sound, I am far from suicidal or from wandering around in some darkened rank pit of despair. I have too much to be thankful for (especially when I look into the eyes of my children). I am simply lost. I don't know where to turn, what future to grab ahold of.
Which way do I swim to find the shore?
I'm open to your thoughts...
1 comment:
I am leaving you a comment here, just in case you never wander back to the entry you commented on in my journal.
At any rate, read all you want. I am nothing, if not honest. I doubt that you are a perv, mostly because I am fortunate enough to not have that luck. If you need a place/person/black hole in which to share, feel free to contact me. I am hit and miss with the speed in which I reply to things, but I do get back to people.
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